[Jethro]
A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design

And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountain's mighty face
Does it think it's more important
Than the stones that form the base?

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life

Look at your life through heaven's eyes
Lai-la-lai...

A lake of gold in the desert sand
Is less than a cool fresh spring
And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy
Is greater than the richest king
If a man lose ev'rything he owns
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes

And that's why we share all we have with you
Though there's little to be found
When all you've got is nothing
There's a lot to go around

No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance
And though you never know all the steps
You must learn to join the dance
You must learn to join the dance
Lai-la-lai...

So how do you judge what a man is worth
By what he builds or buys?
You can never see with your eyes on earth
Look through heaven's eyes
Look at your life
Look at your life
Look at your life through heaven's eyes

Eksistensi dan Citra Allah

Ini bukanlah artikel lengkap seperti yang biasanya saya buat, namun sesungguhnya sebuah email yang saya tuliskan kemarin malam (masih di kampung) dan kirimkan pagi ini (masih di kapal) ke rekan diskusi saya. Karenanya mungkin dalam penulisannya akan terkesan tidak runut dan melompat-lompat serta terkadang membahas hal-hal atau istilah yang tidak langsung dapat dicerna, karena memang awalnya tulisan ini ditujukan kepada orang tertentu yang sudah terbiasa membahas urusan ini dengan saya. Saya meletakkannya disini hanya sekedarnya dengan kemungkinan ada saja yang membaca dan memahaminya. Dan ya, ini juga artikel pertama saya yang menggunakan Bahasa.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dengan menyadari "eksistensinya",manusia sesungguhnya lebih dari berelasi dengan Allah, namun juga menyadari dirinya sebagai "citra Allah". Manusia menjadi "sadar" akan dirinya sebagai "perwujudan nyata" dari keilahian itu sendiri di dunia fisik materi, juga sebagai mata yang "eksis" dan memandang dunia. Dalam konteks ini, manusia sebagai citra Allah itu menjadi "inkarnasi" yang ilahi.

Ketika dikatakan bahwa manusia berbeda dari hewan karena manusia berakal budi, sesungguhnya akal budi inilah perwujudan "potensi" "ketidakterbatasan" dalam manusia. Yaitu sebagai satu-satunya mahluk yang "berpotensi" melihat keilahian.

Urusan "eksistensi" tidak akan pernah bisa dimengerti selama kita masih mencoba mempelajari Allah dan manusia dalam ranah "objektif" - Yang dimaksud dengan ranah objektif adalah mencoba menilai dengan menggunakan akal pikiran, rasio, dan logika (termasuk urusan yang tidak logis secara pikiran, karena selama hal itu masih dihubungkan dengan proses sebab akibat, maka ia masih masuk ranah rasio "objektif"). Ranah objektif hanya bisa memberikan kita "pengetahuan" akan itu, tapi tidak akan membuat kita "melihat" itu. "Eksistensi" hanya bisa dipahami secara subjektif dan personal, yaitu sebuah kesadaran diri sebagai "aku" yang hidup dan berada disaat ini, ditempat ini, dijaman ini, didalam tubuh ini, melihat serta mengalami dunia. Dengan menyadari eksistensi, ia menjadi "tonggak utama" dalam melihat sebagai subjek.

Menyadari - bukan mengetahui, atau menerima - diri kita sebagai "citra Allah" atau "inkarnasi keilahian" adalah tujuan yang paling utama dalam hidup dan perjalanan iman manusia. Kesadaran akan "citra allah" adalah tonggak utama yang membuat kita menjadi sadar penuh bahwa kita (atau "aku") tidak sama dengan tubuh kita, perasaan kita (reaksi batin terhadap external), karakter kita (kecenderungan dan penyesuaian kita dari lingkungan), bahkan pikiran (karena pikiran bekerja dalam ranah objektif dan logika) dan kesadaran kita (kesadaran dalam konteks objektif medis misalnya), dan karenanya mampu "melihat", mengendalikan serta tidak terikat dengan semua itu. Namun tentu saja tanpa menyangkal bahwa semua hal tersebut diatas juga merupakan bagian dari kita.

Dalam kesadaran penuhnya sebagai "citra Allah" manusia akan memiliki integritas dan moralitas yang "mendasar" dalam dirinya. Dan ketika sang manusia tersebut mampu bertindak dan hidup sepenuhnya dalam kesadaran tersebut, ia sudah menggenapi "kesadarannya" itu dalam tindakan nyata. Hal ini tidak mudah, karena manusia kerap terbawa kembali pada lima unsur diri tadi.

Inilah sesungguhnya hakikat manusia didunia ini. Inilah yang dimaksud dengan sadar diri sebagai "manusia sejati". Inilah yang dimaksud dengan menerima "Roh Kudus". Yesus berkata, menghujat anak manusia dan allah itu masih termaafkan, namun menghujat roh kudus itu tidak termaafkan. Karena "Roh Kudus" adalah keilahian dalam diri manusia, yang membuat manusia sebagai "citra Allah". Ketika Yesus menyebut dirinya sebagai "anak manusia" dan memanggil Allah sebagai "Bapa", Yesus mengungkapkan suatu gabungan antara "kedekatan" (relasi personal) dan "kesatuan" (kesadaran personal) dengan Allah. (Sadarilah bahwa pernyataan ini adalah usaha untuk menjelaskan secara objektif hal yang bersifat subjektif, karena itu tidak dapat lepas dari keterbatasan pikiran dan kata-kata manusia).

Dengan persepsi "citra Allah" yang demikian, maka berteori tentang allah menciptakan kita sesuai dirinya dengan mata, tangan, dan berbagai perwujudan fisik dan kemudian menyamakan perwujudan fisik allah dengan kita dari pernyataan "citra allah" adalah kebodohan luar biasa. Dan kebodohan lain adalah ketika manusia mencoba berteori untuk "membuktikan" keberadaan Allah, karena pembuktian menggunakan proses berpikir, berasio , dan berlogika, sedangkan keberadaan Allah adalah untuk "disadari". Keberadaan Allah juga bukan untuk dirasakan secara emosional karena emosi tetap hanya sebagian kecil dari diri kita, dan bukan bagian dari kelilahian. Dan jelas setiap perdebatan akan keberadaan Allah menjadi kebodohan luar biasa.

Ketika saya pertama kali menuliskan artikel "The Indescribable Experience of Consciousness and Existence", saya kira itu adalah kegilaan sesaat dan akan terlewati. Namun sesungguhnya kesadaran akan "eksistensi" adalah awal dari sebuah kesadaran yang sama sekali baru. Semua artikel sebelumnya, mencoba menjelaskan kemanusiaan dan keilahian dari analogi, dan ulasan yang bersifat objektif dan logika, mencoba mengartikan makna2 simbolik dari sang "firman". Namun ketika perihal eksistensi itu dihubungkan kedalam pengetahuan dan persepsi keilahian yang sudah ada, maka semua persepsi keilahian yang dulu menjadi tersadari secara berbeda. "Melihat" bukan lagi sebagai "perbedaan sudut pandang" semata, bukan lagi sekedar suatu kacamata lebih besar yang memandang seluruhnya dengan kebijaksanaan lebih, tetapi sungguh2 sebagai Allah yang melihat.

Tambahan diluar email: Perlu diketahui bahwa "kesadaran" subjektif akan keilahian, atau akan keberadaan Allah disini, sangat berbeda konteksnya dengan mempercayai begitu saja kebradaan Allah sesuai dengan yang tertulis, atau diajarkan. Pengalaman akan "eksistensi" diperlukan untuk bisa menghantar sang subjek ke tahap "menyadari". Dan sesungguhnya, saat saya mengatakan bahwa proses berpikir rasional objektif tidak akan bisa menjawab, bukan berarti bahwa proses berpikir ini akan dibuang begitu saja dan tidak berguna. Sebaliknya, berpikir rasional justru menjadi tahapan penting yang pada akhirnya membawa pada "kesadaran". Dan kesadaran ini sangat jauh berbeda dengan kepercayaan yang buta total begitu saja. Yang menjadi kebodohan adalah orang yang terikat ada proses berpikir rasional saja, dimana proses berpikir gagal membawa subjek pada proses "menyadari". Untuk dapat lebih mengelaborasi perihal kepercayaan buta, pemikiran rasional, dan "kesadaran" subjektif ini, saya akan memberikan link ke artikel rekan saya yang membagi pengalaman pencariannya dengan menjelaskan tahapan dan proses ini secara lebih terperinci.

http://hubertushosti.blogspot.com/2010/11/search-of-reason_26.html

The Indescribable Experience of Consciousness and Existence

No. This time it’s not an essay, because this matter is too great for me to explain, discuss, or argue systematically, I have none of the thinking capability (or at least not yet), and none the language or words that I could use to describe it comprehensively. This article is more of some sort of a sharing of my very personal experience, which I consider too peculiar. Hence the title “indescribable experience”

Since my childhood, I had a question that by normal human standard is considered abnormal, and it was “Why is it that I can see people looking at each other, but I couldn’t see me?” And that weird question didn’t stop there. It became a weird feeling that appeared within me as I grow. To feel separated from the rest of the world as if there are only two entities in this world, the first is the “I” who see, and the second is the “others” that is the rest of the world which I saw. There was never any answer to this question, so most of the time I just leave it be (I was a kid back there, what do you expect). Of course this kind of feeling comes and goes, and it even mostly goes away as I involve myself in the drama of human interaction that related to social function, social hierarchy of teenage, love life, quarrels with parents, pursuits of achievements, dissatisfaction toward my condition as human both in physical and character, etc, bla bla bla. But nevertheless it keeps returning, again, and again, and again.

As I grew a little more in character and faith (It was around high-school age), my opinions, and the way I see this weirdness grew a little. It was not just a matter of seeing anymore, but it was a matter of being truly exist in this body right here, right now. I couldn’t formulize any theory back then (and probably still can’t) since philosophy “wasn’t” my thing at that time. I couldn’t even write an article, and I wasn’t a very religious person also, or should I say that I did believed (yes it is past tense) in God, but had a quite discomfort toward religious rituals, and the idea of religious salvation that makes me feel doesn’t belong to it (at least at that time), it didn’t touch my heart. But nevertheless, this weird feeling eventually gave me the unbreakable faith to the existence of God, and I eventually stating to myself “There must be God, because I am here” (I was already in medical school by the time I have this idea). And no I wasn’t saying it in a sense like most faithful religious devotee said it “of course there should be God, because He created us”, no definitely not. As the matter of fact, I didn’t care whether we human being is created from the ashes or whether it’s a result of billions of years of evolution that originated from a single cell creatures, because as far as I’m concern, even if we really are the result of evolution, it also works in God’s way. Well, probably different from biblical way but still God’s way, it still is God’s work. I was saying it in a sense that my “being”, exists in this time, in this space, experiencing the world by vision, touch, and taste, is too weird to be called normal and there is no way such anomaly happens without the intervention of God in it. Weird huh, and sounds too narcissistic.

Then there were times that I was too busy thinking on “how am I supposed to life as human”. It occupied my mind for quite a long time, and hence the entire search of “the way” (not the existence) from martial arts, eastern religion and philosophies, books that explaining a way of life, and ultimately brings me back to Christianity, while still seeking from every source that the world could offer (Since I personally think that there is nothing in this world that is beyond the power of God). And this period of search is actually the most influential period of my life. It has shaped my vision about humanity, religion, universe, life, and God. It makes me a person that I never thought I would be, but there are moments when that feeling of anomaly returns, and it keeps returning but I don’t take heed of its call.

Lately, a friend of mind poisoned me with ancient Greeks, Germans, French and other western philosophy. At first I took it casually and later seriously but still related it to my perception about the world, universe and God. But just recently as if the “ingredients” that are gathered has quite enough, I suddenly experience this “explosion” of anomaly in a scale that I have never thought could have happen before. That night, I was reading some novel that actually has nothing to do with it, but it mentioned the experience of death, and it made me think about life, body, and soul. And suddenly the anomaly attacks my mind and heart out of nowhere, I scream to myself question like “What is this?” - While looking to both of my hands and moving it as if I’m wearing a new robot body -; “What the hell am I doing here?”; “Why am I here? Why now? In this time, in this age” Then I imagined myself seeing other “human object” and think “they are they, they are different from me, I am a subject who sees” “So if the objects are human, what am I? Am I still existentially can be called as human? (Of course scientifically I am human) Do I really belong here?” The subjective feeling is so intense that I could probably conclude it as “crystallization of consciousness”. I even scream in frustration that night, because in the face of such fundamental question about existence, other matters become minute and meaningless. “How can I continue to live without understanding the life itself?” I thought at that time.

Let me try to describe a little bit about the subjective experience of “seeing other humans as different objects” with an analogy. Take our eyes for example. We see many colors in the world and have a consensus about the colors that exist in this world. But in reality, what we see are actually photons and waves with certain frequencies, and then our brain is the one that actually interpret the wavelength as colors and thus we called certain wavelength with certain colors. The problem lies in “does our brain interpret the wavelength in the same way?” Take red for example. We have seen that particular wavelength since we were born, our brain has interpreted it in its particular way, and we were taught to called the interpretation of that particular color as red. So we all agreed to call it red. But there is a chance that color that I called red is interpreted my brain as color (X), while by your brain as color (Y), but we all agreed to call it red. Whether this is true or not, I don’t know. This is just an analogy, but yet there is no way to find it out right? There is no way you could truly experience that the red that I see, because it isn’t you who sees it. Same goes for subjectivity. I can certainly observe the “symptoms” that you are the same as I am, and take the conclusion that we are both a conscious and functionally living human. But there is no way I could experience your experience of consciousness, there is no way I could be sure whether you are as conscious as I am. Why? Because to me, my existence is the only one that I can be sure is real. I can’t be sure whether you are real or not because I don’t experience your consciousness as I experienced mine. From my point of view, being real, exist and conscious is like being the one who sees, moves, and thinks. And that consequently will lead to two possibilities. First possibility is that if our consciousness is the same, but since we are separated, I can’t experience other people existence. The second possibility is that my consciousness is unique to myself, that other human beings have a different level of consciousness, or probably different entirely, a different “thing”. Which stand point will I take? When I’m assessing it in philosophical manner, of course the first possibility is the one that fits. But when I’m assessing it as “The one who sees”, the condition of being the subject itself already put me in the situation where I can’t see the sameness of our consciousness. Confused? So do I.

Another thing is that the feeling of being truly unmistakably real, is so intense, that it is impossible that it – the consciousness – will gone one day even when my body dies. It’s a combination of experience of being truly exist in physical manner, and of being truly conscious as a “soul” (the only words that I think resembles the crystallize consciousness). In this sense, I personally think that both Platon and Aristoteles are wrong and right. The former argue that the true existence is something that is not in the physical world but is in the world of ideas, in other dimension. And the later argue that reality is the one that you can experience in this physical world. In my experience (not just opinion) existence is very real physical manner but also has its unexplained non-physical aspect. And from that point of view, I personally think every simpleton atheist – who is being content of the idea that there is nothing more other then the physical world seeks nothing else about the meaning of this life – is a creature with lower level of subjectivity and consciousness – except the father of Atheism whose name I forgot and whose idea is somewhat related to cosmic and inner “God”. Their unawareness of existence is low enough to make such contentment possible. There is no consciousness within them great enough to make them think about existence seriously. No, I’m not being a religious devotee who fears that “if there is no soul and God then our life would be meaningless” and thus clings to the idea of heaven and hell. But I personally think that based on my “indescribable experience” of anomaly, there is more to life than just a world of chemical matters, and no I don’t need any bible or prophet to tell or confirm me about it. I’m sure of it by myself.

So that night actually bothers me with several things at the time, those are: 1) Am I existentially the same with other human being? 2) Crystallized Consciousness (or soul), its origin and its fate after leaving the physical being (which I’ll never try to discuss). 3) The purpose of being this anomalous existence in the end (if it really is anomalous). And as you can see, I am sometimes being philosophical, sometimes being religious, and sometimes being a semi-lunatic in the manner that I write this article. It is inconsistent, it experience some change of perception based on which point of view that I try to explain it. Heck I don’t care. It’s not an essay anyway.

The Teaching of Diogenes

"It's my fate to steal," pleaded the man who had been caught red-handed by Diogenes.


"Then it is also your fate to be beaten," said Diogenes, hitting him across the head with his staff.

The Teaching of Diogenes

Diogenes was knee deep in a stream washing vegetables. Coming up to him, Plato said, "My good Diogenes, if you knew how to pay court to kings, you wouldn't have to wash vegetables."


"And," replied Diogenes, "If you knew how to wash vegetables, you wouldn't have to pay court to kings."

The Harsh and Restless Teacher

Teacher O Teacher, why are you restless in your way?

Have you no pity to your disciple?

Haven’t I been brave in my pursuit for your wisdom?

Haven’t I been restless in understanding the reality of illusion?

Haven’t I being all courageous to venture beyond what others dare not to venture?

Alas, all the rational and the wisdoms are powerless

You cast your lesson mercilessly

And I who have stood my ground firmly before is now knelt

Powerless with agonizing pain and aching heart

What is the purpose of all this?

For more the wisdom that I gain, the harsher is the trial

Can there be no relief in what I have learnt?

Can there be no rest in the journey of studying?

Pity us, pity us O ye great Teacher

For the pain is real even for the illusionary cause

Return To Innocence

 Love . . . . . Devotion . . . . .
Feeling . . . . . Emotion . . . . .
 

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
 

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
 

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

My Personal Journey from Martial Art to Spirituality

When I first practice martial art, my goal is to be stronger and better. A fighter is the one who can defeat his opponent, the better martial artist is the one who can punch and kick harder and faster, with better stamina, and agility. But as my learning progress its way in martial art, my knowledge and experience from this all punches and kicks world entry point has lead me into a vast exploration about fear, courage, attitude, self, enemy, ego, philosophy, culture, heritage, wisdom, humanity, religion, and finally enlightenment respectively (Note that I don’t mean to say that I am enlightened, but I explore about enlightenment). Well not a clear cut respectively but you get the picture.

Some backgrounds about my pursuit in martial art

Why is it that I want to learn martial art in the first place?

 First: because I was introduced and taught about martial art early in life. Most of my grandpa’s generations had at least some amount of knowledge and experiences in martial art, some even master the art skillfully, and my own grandpa from my father’s side master the Tai Chi Chuan. Down to my father’s generation things may not as extreme as a Kungfu Sifu, but at least almost all of them were involved in martial art at some point of their life; my dad practices martial art vigorously throughout his youth and early adulthood; I have two uncle that reach black belt in karate; others are either practice karate even though not until black belt, or have no martial background but known as a fearless fighter in his young age (the eldest of them). So there you go, a long list of martial blood is encoded in my gene and or like the martialist used to say, “It is in our blood”.

Second: because despite of being taught the way of courage early in life, I was kid with a fearful heart. I thought I was brave, until I learned that I wasn’t, I realized that I was afraid of being bullied by street kids, I funnily refuse to run by pride, yet am freeze-handed to strike a hit, and I was afraid at plunging myself in the middle of kumite competition when I was still a brat. But I refuse to bow to that condition, so there I was fighting my fear with years of practice all the way to a point where some bruises and small lacerations around the lips and eyelids, and painful joint injury of the jaw are a common thing after each fighting practice yet I feel nothing, and I have known to refuse to bow down to extreme pain even after a major direct hit to the abdomen out of pride, and also stubbornly open the defense of my head even after dealing with a major hit. I plunge myself in the pursuit of the strength and honor in the way of the warrior (Bushido).

The turning point

But there is a critical point in my martial journey that makes me see martial arts in a different way, a more philosophical way, and that is when I first met my Karate master from BKC a few years ago. In summary, he taught me that martial art is not just about punches and kicks, and not just about tradition and art, and certainly not just about pride and winning, but about attitude, a way of life, and wisdom, and that a true master is the one who have total physical and mental awareness that he can deal with any conflict with the slightest or no violence at all, and hence it makes me reconsider about the true goal of martial art itself and makes me – like it or not – to explore about which things are important to me and worth to defend till the necessary violence and which things that don’t. And of course it didn’t stop there, the surge of curiosity flows like a tide wave that it gives me no choice but to question about why are those things are important to me, and why some aren’t. In the end all those questions lead to the ultimate question about what is the purpose of live itself, and what is the meaning of Truth, hence all the reading about philosophy, religion, great old tales of wisdom, ancient ways like Tao, Zen, and about enlightenment.

Yet I was not alone in this transformation of a greater purpose of martial arts. I was within a brotherhood that values the old wisdom of martial arts just as I am. And the fact that some of them trained in different kind of martial arts like Aikido, Jiujutsu, Kyokushinkai full contact karate is also beneficial for the knowledge that is being taught to me from these various kinds of martial arts has been a very helpful catalyst toward a grander view of martial arts wisdom and eventually sprang toward spirituality (Particularly Aikido).

Well that is a quite far deviation of my original intention to learn about martial art. I never even thought that some punches and kicks will lead me this far. But actually, after a careful observation, I conclude that for a serious and I mean really serious martialist (or at least those who are serious enough to explore about the deep value and history of the martial way), it is inevitable that the pursuit will eventually brought them to the path of spirituality (How deep will it be is a matter of personal preference). Because our forefathers of martial arts are indeed masters of life philosophies and great teachers of religions like Bodhidharma – a Buddhist – the founder of Shaolin Temple, and Zhang San Feng – a Taoist, and a Tai Chi Master – the founder of the Temple of Mount Wudang. And from Japan, all great samurai – who in time had eventually developed the empty handed martial arts like Aikido, Jiujutsu, Judo, and Karate – are greatly and vigorously educated in Zen meditation, and Zen wisdom, where Zen itself – originally called Chan in Chinese – literally means meditation that developed from Buddhism at Shaolin Temple. 

One of the most famous modern time great martialist that had walked more or less the same journey as I am and had transform in his purpose on martial art is Bruce Lee (also known as Lee Xiao Long/Lee Zhen Fang) – yet I fully realized that I am still dwarfed compare his achievement and far from thinking myself even close to him. Anyone who knows him from movie alone will think that he is all action fast punch and kick guy. Few know that after years of martial art training under master Ye Wen (or Ip Man) he eventually recognize the greater value on martial art and decided to enter a four-year education in philosophy at the University of Philadelphia.

Intermezzo: My objection toward the degrading value of martial art

Most modern martial arts practitioners pursuit health, self-defense, achievement and social activity, and I have nothing against those who fall in this category. But heck, the even more modern practitioners  have downgrade the high value of the art that was first founded by the ancestors of martial arts into petty ideas like life-style, looking cool, mating screening candidate, and so on, and so on. So I personally think that those who practice martial arts in the former ways, even though not a true martialist, but a sport athlete, they still have the right to be honored. But those who practice in the later ways are gymnasts, not martialists. It’s okay to be a gymnast, but it still saddens me that the value of true martial way has in practice degraded so low in this modern age.

A Quotation for the Disciples of Truth

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."  

~Mahatma Gandhi~

Thus the Way of the Cow

I see a flock of cow
Their head ducked and eyes fixed
Looking only to the grass with mouth chewing
They are busy grazing

The vast green field, the colorful flower
The blue sky, the warm sunlight
Notice them, they do not
They are busy grazing

Down to the water hole they go
Up to the grass field they return
By the bark of the herd dog they moved
For their mind knows nothing but grazing

The perilous nature, the hungry predators
Away from them they stay
But aware of them they do not
For only the bark of the herd dog they obey

Dare not to venture, dare not to separate
By the flock they stay, by the herd dog they rely
Aimless moves they walk, mindless moo they utter
Thus the way of the cow, the way of the unaware

Thus I Honor the Wisdom that is spoken by the Ancient

WARNING!!! SPOILERS AHEAD!!! (But who cares anyway since this is a very old tale that I think too many people should have known how in general the story goes and ends)

And know for the negative boring and surely what most modern popular novel would have thought sort of comments about this tale:

1. The storyline is too rigid and unrealistic.
2. It progress too slowly that most will find it boring.
3. The Indian sure is a very over-melancholic race that lamenting and tears-shedding are heard too often from both gender, and for both joyful and sorrowful event.
4. It makes to many unnecessary detours with the need of Rama to keep lamenting and seeking help everywhere when He is in fact the living Vishnu whose power can overwhelm the entire Rashasa army by himself.
5. If only Brahma the Creator God hasn’t gave Ravana the Rakshasa King the special power, none of this conflict would’ve happen. Hence the Creator God Himself is the one to be blame.
6. It is mostly a Love story which over-spiced with Gods and stuffs.

Those are general comments that I think most simple readers will have in mind. Why? Because most reader seeks thrill, adrenaline provoking plot, or tears shedding love story, or sometimes religious obedience fostering tale. Yet I seek the other, I seek whatever values and wisdom that are offered by the ancients who first recite this tale in their poems.

And now what do I think about it? I think it is awesome, marvelous, outstanding, period!! This one tale alone has so many values to be told; so many religious aspects can be learned; and so many messages that can be used as tools of self-introspection (or in-sight). Its teaching about virtue easily surpasses any other literature that I have in my disposal. The valor and loyalty of the characters are certainly no less if not better compare to the bushido from Japanese samurai stories. It describes very well the weakness of human mind and heart under some unfortunate circumstances even from the mind of the incarnation of God Himself. It depicts the work of fate in such way that series of joyous fortunate and sorrowful unfortunate events are all within the grand plan of God and eventually reveal the true purpose of everything, it is the mystery of fate that even the Avatar of God Himself is bound to follow as well.

I am astounded by Bharata – the brother of Rama – who was described to have a spotless virtue, sometimes even compared to Sri Rama Himself. I am astonished by the loyalty and valor of Jatayu, who fought to defend Sita with no fear of death. I greatly salute Hanuman – the son of Vayu (the Wind God) – the minister of the Vanara’s Kingdom – for his unequalled intelligence, wisdom and loyalty, and not only because it was claimed as such by the author, but because of the series of deeds and wise decisions he had made along the story, and I even almost shed tears at one of his scene (I’ve forgot which one) not out of sadness, but out of awe. If one day I happen to found myself in front of a Hanuman worship temple, I could probably do no less then to stop and offer a respect toward Hanuman by heart. Yet it is not the physical statue of Hanuman that I honor. But the values which are carried by the Hanuman character themselves.

And as for C. Rajagopalachari the author of this version, I am grateful by how in many events the author always describes the ancient Tamil poets – Valmiki, Kamban, and sometimes Tulasidas – differences in how they describe the events, then explain the context and the message of each version, thus saving the need to read the original version from all three poets. Even more, the author also gives his personal opinion about the moral of each event without subtly changing the story according to his will, but to explain it separately.

Thus said, this is not a synopsis, this is not a review, but a humble expression of my sincere amazement. I am unworthy of judging a tale of wisdom that has been developed thousands of years ago, yet has stood the test of time and still dwells in the heart of some delicate readers in this modern age. Thus I honor the wisdom that is spoken by the ancients.

And if I travel to Bali again, or India (perhaps one day). I will surely wont just simply enjoy the beauty of the beaches or the unique and colorful culture, but I'll deeply appreciate the rituals, and worships that has always been a part of Hinduism. Now I see cultures and rituals in quite a different perspective, even if the pious devotees who held the worship were probably do it out of habit of inherited tradition from their elders, or perhaps even just to satisfy the tourists, those rituals still are the embodiment and symbolization of values and wisdom inherited from their Sages.

I’ve only read Ramayana once for now, but I will surely reread it again sometime in the future, both to enjoy its beautiful utterance and to remember the wisdom that it offered. And now, I shall progress on reading the other Tale which is Mahabharata.

The Wisdom of Old India

During my last trip to Ladianta, I had managed to finish the whole tale of Ramayana retold by C. Rajagopalachari. I’ve wanted to read about both Ramayana n Mahabharata since several months but can figure out which version is the best and which author (or translator) that would suit my purpose of reading. So I browsed the Wikipedia to find out more about these two books where I finally discovered about C. Rajagopalachari’s version. Actually this is not the first time that I heard his name. In fact his is the first version that I found when strolling around Gramedia bookstore but still hesitated to buy since I have a little doubt about the author’s background and quality in cultural and religious literature. But from Wikipedia, I found out that I have nothing to doubt about. To quote Wikipedia:

"Chakravarti Rajagopalachari (Tamil: சக்ரவர்த்தி ராஜகோபாலாச்சாரி) (10 December 1878 - 25 December 1972), informally called Rajaji or C.R., was an Indian lawyer, Indian independence activist, politician, writer, statesman and leader of the Indian National Congress who served as the last Governor-General of India. He served as the Chief Minister or Premier of the Madras Presidency, Governor of West Bengal, Minister for Home Affairs of the Indian Union and Chief Minister of Madras state. He was the founder of the Swatantra Party and the first recipient of India's highest civilian award, the Bharat Ratna."

“Rajaji was an accomplished writer both in his mother tongue Tamil as well as English. He was the founder of the Salem Literary Society”

“In 1916, Rajaji started the Tamil Scientific Terms Society. This society coined new words in Tamil for terms connected to botany, chemistry, physics, astronomy and mathematics. At about the same time, he called for Tamil to be introduced as the medium of instruction in schools.”

“In 1951, Rajaji wrote an abridged retelling of the Mahabharata in English, followed by one of the Ramayana in 1957.”

“Rajaji often regarded his literary works as the best service he had rendered to the people. In 1958, he was awarded the Sahitya Akademi Award for Tamil for his retelling of the Ramayana - Chakravarti Thirumagan. Rajaji was one of the founders of the Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, an organisation dedicated to the promotion of education and Indian culture.”

Nuff said. And even better, his version is available in PDF online for free, so what is it that needs to be considered anymore? Here is the link:

So why are all the sudden with this Ramayana and Mahabharata? It is because of my friends influences. One of them said about his father in-law who always teaches about religion by using the Ramayana, the Mahabharata and Son Go Kong (Which I wish to reread also some time in the future) yet he is a Moslem. Another friend of mine is a Jogja-nese who always poised me with the Java version of these tales from “Pewayangan Jawa” hence increased my interest to both stories. Well he mostly boasts (sorry :D ) about Mahabharata, but why not read both tales when I can, considering these Tales are strongly related to each other both in their storylines and in “Dharma”. But the problem is I couldn’t care less about the Java version (pardon me) yet since it has always been my personal policy since the dawn of my personal study to read a literature as original (if not close to) as I can get. So yes, I’m searching for the Hindi version, but in English - I’m not Karan Johar or Shahrukh Khan, don’t expect me to read in Hindi, Heck, even for reading the Gospels I still wouldn’t want to learn to read in Greek (Yes the four Christian Gospels are originally written in Greek, not Latin nor Hebrew), and I don’t even think that Russell Peters could speak Hindi other then Hindi accent-English, so English version is enough.

Another factor is that I inherently have deep love and respect toward great ancient literatures, doesn’t matter whether it’s a mythology or history, I honor both of them. When a mythology has stood the test of time and even stands as one of the groundwork of one of the oldest religion ever on earth, then it must have some great wisdom in it.

Relax O Ye my fellow Christians for I would never converted to Hinduism, since I don’t think any conversion is necessary to learn the wisdom of any religion from any culture. Wisdom and teaching have been here in the universe since the beginning of time, and no human categorization including religion can confine it, it surpass every worldly boundaries provided one ready to learn from it with an open heart. And truly I tell you, woe to you who judge a teaching or religion other than your own before even care to lake a good look at it and understand about the teaching of that certain religion (simply put – negative prejudice).

The Vows of a Bird

What is the purpose of my writings? That question has always intrigued me. And it goes even deeper to: what is the purpose of my study? Is it true that I want to search the truth? Or is it just to makes me feel better? Like a new hobby, a new toy to me. And about the writings and all their publicities, what is it that I aim for? Do I wish to spread the truth? Is it just a share? Or perhaps it was just some ego of to be seen as the one who knows more? And upon thinking about that, I finally reach some conclusion.

It doesn’t matter how good and systematically proven my writings are. It will get the job done to explain my ideas but the reader will still only grasp them to a point of logical reasoning. What I am trying to communicate is something that can only be seen by those who has finally choose to seek for it and discover it “by themselves” in this chaotic journey of life. So it doesn’t matter whether they agree or not, because even when they do agree, they will still not “see” what I “see”. And worse when they don’t agree, it will trigger some meaningless theological debates that will lead to nowhere since they haven’t seen what I have seen anyway and hence will never speak in the same “language”.

Understanding something merely with logic is entirely different with actually “seeing” it. And since the beginning, Anthony de Mello can’t describe it better when he said, “Observe, then you will understand” or shall I say truly “sees” it. Bhodidharma the founder of Shaolin temple, upon finishing his nine-year meditation and reach enlightenment said to his disciples “There is no use of logical and theological reasoning. To reach enlightenment, one shall just practice diligently until one finally understand”, and in martial art, practicing will always leads to self-observation, it is a tool used by the Buddhist monks to assist themselves to be more “observant” about the law of nature.

And even Jesus said something regarding how hard it is to speak of the truth to those who haven't experienced it first hand when he said, “The reason I speak to them in parables is that seeing they do not perceive, and hearing they do not listen, nor do they understand” (Matthew 13. 13, NRSV), and so “Jesus told the crowds all these things I parables, without a parable he told them nothing” (Matthew 13. 34, NRSV), and hence the parables about the Kingdom of Heaven (scattered everywhere in all four gospels).

So now I will make my vows about my attitude in theological writings:

1. I shall not write to prove that I am right and the others are wrong.
2. I shall not write with expectation to be fully understood.
3. I shall not write to satisfy my ego to be seen as the one who understands more and gain pride from it.
4. I shall write as a result of my natural learning process and as a way to systemize my understanding.
5. I shall write as literal records about my learning process so that I can one day reanalyze them in my future study.
6. I shall write as an expression of my awe toward the grandiosity and sacristy of the Word of God.
7. I shall write only from The Spirit.

"A bird doesn't sing because he has a statement. He sing because he has a song" - Anthony De Mello

My Chemical Romance - Helena

And its time to go crazy again...Simply put...I love this video...its insane..period...one of the commentary at the youtube actually said: I want my funeral to be like this. =]...Hahahaha

The Son of Man, the Son of God

I had described the nature of humanity, and also about Godliness in my previous articles. In the later, I had also mentioned that we human should “reach Godliness and still retain our Humanity at the same time”. And that example can be found in Jesus at least for us Christians and others that care to learn about Him without being a Christian (And I personally think same goes for other examples for other religion). Jesus is our example (as Christians) of how we human suppose reach our Godliness, to earn our salvation.

While we have always referred Jesus as God, we shall not forget that He took his first breath as a human being. That is why He always referred Himself as “The Son of Man” because He was indeed born with flesh and blood, with every limitations of a human being, with hunger and thirst, with insecurities and fear. If He had not felt hunger and thirst, then His fast would’ve been meaningless. Had He not bleed and wounded then He wouldn’t had suffered when He was tortured. Had He be fearless then He wouldn’t had “grieved and agitated. Then He said to them, ‘I am deeply grieved, even to death” (Matthew 26.37 – 38, NRSV) and “threw himself on the ground and prayed ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me” (Matthew 26.39, NRSV) in Gethsemane the night before crucifixion. So He was indeed afraid of God’s trial, as we all humans are, and thus said by Him to His disciples at that same night “Stay awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26.41, NRSV), and taught to His disciples to pray “And do not bring us to the time of trial, but rescue us from the evil one” (Our Father; Matthew 6.13, NRSV), as a way to teach us that one shall realize one’s limitation as a human being and not to become arrogant with a blind bravery.

Jesus has an intimate relationship – and oneness – with God which enabled Him to called God as Father, and thus we called him “The Son of God”. I don’t have to describe His powers in abundance of miraculous deeds that He had done. Those are very eye and ear-catching and a bit – if not too – “overly popular” that I bet not a single Christians (and probably many non-Christians) that aren’t familiar with it. Even though there are many symbolic messages presented hidden in those miraculous deeds, few are recognized and I will not discuss them here. More importantly, as the “Son”, He has within Him God’s love which I had tried to describe as love that “even extends beyond our understanding of love itself” kind of love. The God’s love within Him enables Him to said “Not to resist an evildoer, and if anyone strikes you at the right cheek, turn the other also” (Matthew 5.39, NRSV), but not out of merely a crybaby – blind patience and conflict avoidance, instead “To approach an adversary in the same way as this adversary may be approaching us: who is the wicked one?” (Commentary by Pastoral Bible). That is why Jesus ask us “Why do you see the speck in your neighbour’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?” and told us to “First take the log out of our own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbour’s eye.” (Matthew 7. 3 – 5, NRSV). These messages clearly teach us to see things in broader perspective instead of our own personal narrow perspective in right or wrong, because there is a big chance that our opponent is reacting toward the situation exactly the same way as we are, thus both are just following our “human nature” and either both are wrong or both are right and neither should be judging the others because both see things only from their own egotistical perspective.

Jesus even described God’s love in such extreme by saying “Truly I tell you, people will be forgiven for their sins and whatever blasphemies they utter” (Matthew 3.28, NRSV). And the Commentary by Pastoral bible goes like this: “The God whom Jesus knows is aware of how far human stupidity can go and doesn’t feel offended by so many ridiculous or blasphemous words habitually used in our society”. It is an awareness of His (God’s) creations stupid and ugly nature – again, not a crybaby sweet patience out if nowhere, but a kind of love that is beyond our ability to accept. And if this still can’t give the clue about God’s love, I don’t know what else can.

Now after a long babbling about why Jesus called both human and God at the same time, I will cut this straight. It is because He was able to reach God’s love even when born as a human that He is an ideal “teacher” for us in search for God. His presence is a proof that we Human can earn our salvation and reach the previously impossible God that is within us. Thus the birth of Jesus spread as “Good News” because finally God has shown us that human can reach salvation. That is also why we called Jesus our “Savior” because by His teaching, He show us the way towards salvation. And also, through His birth God has fulfilled what has been written “So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them” (Genesis 1.27, NRSV), so it has always been our purpose in this world as human to become the Image of God and Jesus fulfillment had shown us the way, and proved that it can and must be done.

And why is it that when He was crucified, it is said that He has paid for our sin to God? It was because He had made a stand for the word of God that was taught through Him. During His whole life, He had been the messenger of the word of God which didn’t suit the religious authority at that time. He was consider blasphemous by the Jewish priests who at that time struggled hard to kept the authority at their hand during Jewish oppression by the Roman empire. So the torture and cross are consequences of the way that He had chosen, and He had no choice but to face it. By “drinking from His cup” (Matthew 26.42, NRSV), He had fulfilled God’s movement in spreading the teaching toward salvation. By making a stand for the cross, He had showed that the spreading of the teaching shall not be suppressed and defeated by worldly fear of pain and death. The word of God shall remain timeless in its value. He had than finally “kept the salt from losing its taste, and put the light on the lampstand” (Matthew 5.13 – 14, NRSV). The tales of crucifixion and resurrection are very ear and faith catching thus so wildly popular and easily acknowledge by many. By acknowledgement of this story alone, one at least has kept an access toward the teaching – the word of God – even when it is merely believed and not immediately understood. So that is why by being crucified, He is said to have repented for our sin. Because He showed that the truth of the teaching shall defeat pain and death, and He had also kept the teaching alive and He made it widespread, so that we humans may forever have the access to the word of God and the knowledge of salvation that will freed us from our Sin.

That said, “when we human poop at the wrong place without wiping our own ass, instead of cleaning our mess instantly and wiping our ass for us, Jesus has taught us to poop at the toilet and to wipe our own ass”. Not the most suitable parable – I made it myself, what can you expect –, but hopefully you got the message. Jesus death wasn’t meant to instantly erase our Sin, but instead to keep the teaching alive and made it widespread so that we Human may forever have the access to it and thus may be freed from sin by earning salvation through constant learning and understanding of His teaching.

ISO VS Shutter Speed - Night at Kendari

This images were taken in the middle of the night, from the third floor of my aunt's house. All using ISO 100, F/8 to optimize sharpness, and 20-30 second of shutter release.

There are two things that I found that night:

1. Long shutter speed is much much better compare to high ISO when it comes to noise. see it for yourself.

2. when using tripod with long shutter release, turn of the IS (Image stabilization). the IS is kinda wobbly and will cause as if the picture were taken by hand held.

Dusk at Kendari

I'd taken some picture about a week earlier prior to the morning stroll. Those were taken when I accompanied my aunt to local evening fish market. As usual, around the sunset or sunrise, I was looking for the golden sunlight at the golden hour, but it was cloudy and the sky is dark blue everywhere. it is here that I realize that if I don't have a golden sunlight to utilize, I will always have the blue light to exploit. White balance is determined by temperatures, means if I can't find the warm light, it means there is a cool light. So I have to be creative, using everything that is provided to create a good image.

Other things that I discovered when editing my pictures is that even if I like high saturated colors, it is not wise to force it at the in-camera setting, because it will make your images prone to noise. So I find it that I will get a better result if I add some more saturation later from my laptop

Kendari's Trivial Things

Traffic:

1. Kendari's drivers and bikers are generally as assholes as Jakarta's, as noisy as Jakarta's, but at the same time are much more moronic than Jakarta's, and thus more annoying. but nevertheless, driving and biking in Kendari is still much enjoyable due to its very low traffic compare to Jakarta's - full hell unleashed - traffic especially around busy hours.

2. You'll find some community service billboard telling you to wear your seat belt, yet in Kendari wearing seat belt drivers is a very rare sight if not none at all. it doesn't matter if there is a police riding a bike right at your side or patrolling sideways. They won't do no shit about it.

3. I drove a pickup car yesterday with only one seat to spare at the front seat, yet I manage to stacked 3 other PTT doctors by my side (means there are four of us) and drove exactly side by side with a police motor bike. The police just stared once and didn't give a shit, literally at all.

4. So I concludes that the only punishable trespasses are:
- Crossing the red light
- Driving against the verboeden (only in main large streets)
- Not wearing helmet (for bikers), and
- Crash directly to a group of police I guess.

Food:

1. Generally there is nothing very delicious or unique in Kendari's culinary.

2. Food are generally expensive, fish are expensive, chickens are even worse. Pork?dream on, you won't find any, not even in restaurants. Well you'll find some if you have your dinner at some local Chinese families.

3. They have this strange love to "cassava" (singkong) and strangely named it "sweet potato" (ubi). For example, they have this menu called "sweet potato soup" (sop ubi) which is actually a chicken noodles with fried "cassava" (singkong), chopped and mixed altogether. Heck, they even got a "sweet potato rib soup" (sop konro ubi) - originally a Makassar's cuisine which use no ubi and should've called soop konro, but they add a cassava in it and hence the name "sweet potato rib soup" (sop konro ubi). Confused?me too.

4. They also have a love for peanut. They add it to their "grilled fish" chilly mixture - which is unusual because back in java, we mix peanut sauce only with satay or dumpling - and even to their "pisang ijo" - which is also unusual because originally pisang ijo is Makassar food, and use no peanut - but the later actually is quite tasty.

Large City Delicacy:

1. Kendari has one KFC. (THANK GOD!!)

2. One Gramedia. ( DOUBLE THANK YOU GOD!!)

3. One Matahari Department Store. (Humm...not bad)

4. One Paparon's Pizza. (Don't care, don't like it)

Internet Access:

1. You can find internet quite easily here. 4k an hour, cheaper if you prepaid the rent for two or three hours.

2. If you had a laptop with wireless modem on it, than internet is as cheap a 5k rupiahs cup of - not so delicious - coffee, or 8k rupiahs glass of juice, depends on your taste, for an unlimited time. a very good value for money compare to 150k rupiahs a month of painstakingly slow and 1 or 2 (I forgot) GB limited Telkomsel flash. But I heard that laptop is a trend here, and if you got one and hang around the cheap coffee shop to get that cheap but satisfyingly fast internet, then you are considered cool. Heck I don't care, just let me finish typing and publishing my post or uploading my pictures in peace.

My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay

Just an old music clip from My Chemical Romance that I like. It was named REVENGE!! haha..

Enjoy :D

Kendari Morning Stroll

At last, an entry from my laptop after a long hibernation, HURAAAAHH!!. I have just discovered that in Kendari, suppose that you have a laptop, then free internet is available everywhere, all it cost is a - mediocre not so tasty - cup of cheap coffee around 5K rupiahs, and you are set for an unlimited time, surely better then 4K an hour at warnet around here.

Okay, a little update about me. I am now at Kendari, jobless but not wage-less, don't blame me, blame the local health department for requesting medical professionals to national health department in Jakarta without carefully planning the public health centre where I'm supposed to work. Mine is suppose to be at the island of Wowoni, and happen to be still 80% finished, and believe me when I say that the process will take quite some time due to very limited access and complicated bureaucracy. So here I am, waiting aimlessly in Kendari.

Now back to business. Being jobless is not such a bad thing, especially in a place you've never been before. other than reading novels, browsing the net, and "thinking", I can doze off doing a tourist-like sight-seeing. Kendari has a - not so beautiful - beach, an MTQ monument, and a mosque like - they call it MTQ - building, and those will be my photography objectives. and here is the first project. I wake up early at 5:am to take a walk around Kendari Beach and bring with me my Canon 400D and EF-S 55-250 mm IS and take some photos.

Just one?Are you fucking kidding me?yes and no, this is only the first image uploaded. You can see the rest at this album. I've decided to stop uploading every single image that I shot here at blogger since my template only allow me to display pictures not wider then 400 pixel, and that sucks, so I just post one here along with the link to the album at facebook. There are 25 images uploaded, along with personal commentary from me.

Enjoy :D

PS: I just found out that if I uploaded the images somewhere else prior to put it on blogger, I have a better control to the images display size compare to if I uploaded it directly to blogger. but I'll leave this post just the way it is for now, and save it for the next post.

Desperate Attempt.

Yuhuuuuuuu...

Added: I MADE IT..I MADE IT..I MADE A POST WITH BLACKBERRY AND OPERA MINI BROWSER..WOHOOOOOO!!!!

"A Journey" Landscape Photographs Slideshow by Yadi Yasin

During my early days of browsing about photography, I stumbled upon a post at www.fotografer.net, - an Indonesian photographer forum - by Yadi Yasin who appears to be a professional landscape photographer. He post a link to his slide show, which present his works all around the world. So I download it and watch it, and astonished right afterward. His work really inspires me and show me how a landscape photography should be like, and it amaze me even more that those pictures were not edited in Photoshop or any kind of digital darkroom. So I request his permission via the forum, and he granted that I share his works from this blog. Here it is:



And here is the link to download the file and watch it natively on your computer:

http://www.fotografer.net/isi/forum/topik.php?id=3194213309&p=1

Enjoy :D

PS: Note that landscape photography is one of my interest on photography, but not the only one. I also have some interest in Human Portrait, Human interest, and Wildlife photography, so that means, I will need a Canon 10 - 22 mm, a fast mid-zoom or short telephoto lens, and a fast long telephoto lens in the future :D

Rabbits, With Canon 18-55mm II

This images were taken before I have my 55-250mm is, I happen to have this two naughty rabbit who loves to jump around like crazy, so I have a plenty of chance learn some about living creature snapshot.

Sweet huh, looks like two best friend, even a little gay perhaps - Yes, both are males. But don't let them fool you, they were friends back there when they were still teenagers until testosterone takes over and the vicious Darwin law play the game. And rabbits happen to be a little sadistic in their rivalry on sex - they castrate each other - yes, you heard me well. I've seen the gold one chase the brown white one like crazy, trying to sniff his testicles, and bite it. I thought its a natural process, until the two colours loose one of his testicle and they are separated since then. Kinda spooky species huh, never thought it would occur to this cuddly mammal.

Anyway, please gives some commentary on this picture. These are not shown straight out of the camera. I use photoshop and ACDsee Pro3 to tweak the saturation and warmth, as I personally love warm and over saturated colours. My next post will still be about rabbit, but using my 55-250mm is, or my old lens but with wide focal length - 18mm.

And Thou Who Never Stop Searching Shall Find The Way to Him

I have finally bought my English Holy Bible about a couple of weeks ago. Why bible? Because I am a learner, and I have always been searching for meaning. If I have to tell the story of my spiritual journey, it could be dozens of posts and might still not complete, let alone understood by the reader, so I‘ll just write a quick summary.

I was an inherently frustrate man – or boy perhaps – about the way I was, and the way I should had been; I never feel comfortable in the way of people in general, and even in the way I was or still am now; I never quite satisfy with the common answer about the purpose of all thing, and about how things should be, for the world, people, and me, anything, you name it. Well of course, many shares my frustration at some certain level, but trust me when I say that it is very different in my case. Many choose to shut their eyes and deny the frustration, or do nothing about it, some even don’t realize that they are frustrated and carry on with their lives. But for me the frustration never stops and it was like “I can’t go on living like this”.

So there came the start of my journey of self-discovery. It had brought me a long way and start from life-enhancing novel like Paulo Coelho’s (particularly The Alchemist) and Mitch Albom’s books, which are good, but once I get their main idea – seriously – there aren’t much left for me to learn from them anymore, but those still offer good reading tough. I scour through martial arts philosophies, Zen Buddhism, Taoism, histories of great men, self-assessed psychiatry – a little bit of a lunatic I guess – ,and finally Awareness – Which by far is the most influential reading of mine – and other Anthony De Melo’s books, and some long discussions with colleagues who share about the same level of frustration. And in the end my search has brought me right to the one that I have always avoid, Catholic Christianity. Why was I avoiding it? Because at that point, I thought that religion acts like doctrines which truth can’t be questioned, and to have questioned it, is considered infidelity – Which I think are the most fucked-up opinion of many religious fanatics. And those years of searching are the one that helps me shaping my spiritual maturity so that I am ready to finally learn about the religion that had been fated to me since the day I born without the same prejudice that I once had, and also thanks to it, I will not fall into some religious fanatics – which in my opinion have hampered the beauty of the sacred teaching and successfully mislead many devotees into shallow and false theological understanding by manipulating their insecurities.

Now why English? Because in learning something, I always tend to be an idealist. I think that a source of translation is always less tainted and unbiased compare to the translation itself. And since I will never be able to speak in Greek or Hebrew-Aramaic, the closest I can get is the direct translation from it, which is an English bible, and even our local Indonesian Holy Bible is a translation from the English one. And the other reason is because I simply love English. I think as a language, English is at a whole new level compare to Bahasa, so expect me to post some new-learned vocabulary from the Holy Bible.

So I discuss my options with a friend of mine whose uncle happens to be a Catholic priest and a Holy Bible scholar at the same time about which version of translation that offers both the combination of unbiased translation yet at the same time manage to retain the literary beauty of the language. So here it is, The New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) Catholic Edition: Anglicized Text Holy Bible. Now that I finally have got one, and fortunately actually reading it at least until now, hopefully this bible really helps me in understanding His way.

Trivia: It is interesting to me that this version is a result from a team of translator that includes Catholic, Protestant, Judaism, and Orthodox representatives. The difference is that both Catholic and Orthodox Christians agreed to keep the Deuterocanonical – A.K.A Apocryphal, written in Greek instead of Hebrew-Aramaic – books, and try to keep it in its original order – instead of putting it in separated section like Indonesian Holy Bible does –, while the rest, doesn’t. And of course, Judaism will not include the Gospel and the New Testament in their holy bible since they are the one who actually crucify Jesus. Hahaha…