Pity and Fate. From the Fellowship of the Ring

This is one of my favorite conversation in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - to be precise, in the Fellowship of the Ring -. It happened After the fellowship entered the Mines of Moria (Khazad Dum), Just at the intersection where they stopped because Gandalf forgot which way to go. I quote it straight from the movie.

Frodo (F) : There is something down there.

Gandalf (G) : It's Gollum.

F : Gollum?

G : He's been following us for three days.

F : He escaped the dungeons of Barad-dur?

G : Escaped..or was set loose. Now the Ring has brought him here.
      He will never be rid of his need for It.
      He hates and loves the Ring, as he hates and loves himself.
      Smeagol's life is a sad story.
      Yes, Smeagol he was once called.
      Before the Ring found him.
      Before it drove him mad.

F: It's a pity(1) Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance.

G : Pity(2). It is pity that stayed Bilbo's hand.
      Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life.

      Can you give it to them, Frodo?
      Do not be too eager to deal out death and judgment.
      Even the very wise cannot see all ends.
      My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over.
      The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.

Some simple messages that I like. The first is about judgement. I will not make a lengthy explanation about it. I think it's quite clear and simple.

Although there is one thing that intrigues me. The use of the word "pity" here can be immediately redirected for other purpose. The first "pity(2)" will be translated to Bahasa as "sayang sekali", but the second "pity(2)" should be translated as "kasihan". This I haven't cross checked it with the Indonesian version of the novel, but I think some meaning will be loose to translation. the ability to use the same word while immediately change its meaning is one of the interesting part of English language.

The second message is the work of fate. I love how Gandalf said that no one could truly predict every outcomes, even the darkest situation can actually end well, and visa versa. And sometimes an unfortunate event at present, or in the past, can actually lead to a good thing in the future, and visa versa. Thus the work of fate.

F : I wish the Ring had never come to me.
     I wish none of this had happened.
 

G : So do all who live to see such times.

      But that is not for them to decide.
     All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
     There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides the will of evil.
     Bilbo was meant to find the Ring.
     In which case, you also were meant to have It.
     And that is an encouraging thought.

I love the way Gandalf responded Frodo's desperation. It is quite similar with what Monk Gyatso, Avatar Ang's Teacher said toward Ang's uncertainty.

"But we cannot concern ourselves with what was, we must act on what is"

And at the later part of Gandalf speech, he iterates about the work of fate. If Gollum hadn't found the Ring in the first place, Bilbo wouldn't had gotten it, and so wouldn't Frodo. And we all know that at the end of the story, Frodo proved unable to cast the Ring into the lava. And it was there that Gollum's role come into place when he grace the Ring from Frodo by force and fell - with the Ring - into the lava.

Of course by the logic of probability, many could go wrong, but that doesn't mean that we have to loose hope no matter how unfortunate we are. I know that this sounds cliche, but at least it is an encouraging thought, said Gandalf.

Sang Pelihat Dunia

100.000 tahun cahaya lebarnya, dan 1000 tahun cahaya tebalnya. Demikianlah ukuran Bima Sakti galaksi tempat tata surya kita bernaung.

46 miliar tahun cahaya. Demikianlah radius jagad raya yang terobservasi dari bumi ini, dan itu pun belum diketahui batasnya.

1 detik, adalah waktu yg dibutuhkan cahaya untuk melintasi jarak dari bulan ke bumi. Demikianlah kecilnya kita, bumi, kehidupan, manusia, dibandingkan kemegahan alam semesta.

"Tuhan Maha Besar"

Begitulah kata para monotheis dan pantheis dengan kata-kata yang sama, namun pengkhayatan yang sama sekali berbeda. Kita - bumi, kehidupan, dan manusia - sungguh kecil, tak berarti dihadapan Yang Maha Besar.

Namun, cobalah bayangkan apa yang terjadi di alam semesta yang luas tak terukur itu.

SUNYI

Megah, tak terbatas, namun SUNYI.

Matahari bersinar terang, namun tak ada mata anak kecil yang melihat terbitnya dan berkata "Indah" atau merasakan cahaya paginya dan berkata "Hangat".

Gemuruh dan kilatan halilintar menyambar, namun tak ada yg melihatnya dan berkata "dahsyat" atau mendengarnya dan berkata "menggelegar".

Bintang-bintang bersinar, planet-planet berputar mengelilinginya, Namun tak ada ilmuwan yang melihatnya dan berkata "megah", atau melihat jajaran bintang dan memanggilnya "Ursa Mayor".

Hukum alam berjalan begitu saja dalam monotoninya, tak mengenal waktu, tak mengenal momen, tak mengenal masa lalu, masa kini, dan masa depan, karena tak ada yang mempersepsinya.

Adalah yang terbatas yang mempersepsi dunia dan eksistensinya dalam rentangan waktu - struktur apriori kata Kant. Kekinian pun dirasakan, momen menjadi ada, dan pada saat yg sama, Ketidakterbatasan - atau Kekekalan - pun dikenali.

Mungkin sesungguhnya hakikat kita - manusia - tidaklah sekecil dan se-tak-berarti itu. Mungkin memang benar adanya ketika Hegel mengatakan bahwa manusia adalah mata dan terang budi Roh Absolut - sebutan Hegel untuk Allah - untuk mempersepsi dunia - ciptaan-Nya.

Yang tidak terbatas melihat diri-Nya dan bergerak melalui yang terbatas untuk mencapai tujuan akhir-Nya. Manusia mengambil bagian secara aktif dalam proses progresif Roh Absolut mengenali, mewujudkan, menemukan, menjadi, dan melebur dengan diri-Nya sendiri.

Stairway to Cardiologist At Last. Stairway to Happiness? We'll See About That

Finally, I'm now officially a Cardio resident. Well, it has been officially announced by the department since 23th of may, but it just cross my mind that I wanna write a thing or two about it.

I have wanted to enter the Fellowship of Cardiology for a long long time, and it isn't at all an easy or even moderately difficult task, but instead it is a very very very HARD thing to achieve. I'll try to describe it without disclosing to much facts, but more just like a picture of how hard it is.

First, I have to bust my ass six hours a day, reading about cardiology. And that six hours doesn't come cheap either. Since I wasn't at home, but doing errands at South East Celebes, my surroundings there weren't actually conducive for such serious study, but I had no choice. So I went to the most comfortable coffee shop that I could find, and spent like almost all day sitting and forcing myself to read - which wasn't at all an easy task if you have leaved the college chair for more than two years -. Comfortable coffee shop also means, uncomfortable coffee and food price, but who cares - actually people will care, but I don't - because at that point, there is nothing more important that to be able to read and finish my study. So I would expend whatever it takes as long as I can study well.

Second I have to re-prepare for my TOEFL, which luckily wasn't such a hard task for me. Two days of review is enough for me, and I scored 627 by ILP standard, my last two years ago TOEFL was 630, it's a degradation but still acceptable. Sounds like bragging? You bet I am, anyone with TOEFL score 630 has the right to brag...hehehe...just kidding...or not.

And the last is that I have to pull strings that I never thought I would have to pull in my life. In my young naive days, I thought life is suppose to be simple. Work my ass hard enough, and I shall get what I deserve. But apparently, it isn't. I have to play smart, I have to consider every factors that could jeopardize my mission, and close the leaks here and there, and even after that, when I thought I've considered all leaks that is there to be anticipated, some unpredictable leak still emerged, and made the road slippery.

But eventually I succeed, not by my will power per se, but also by huge huge supporting factors (the collective will of many many people) that had been there along the road, aiding, guiding, even sometimes pushing me beyond my control to the direction that finally brought me here today. And from that six months of extraordinary experience, I could say that:

Human greatness is only limited by his/her power of will and God's will

Heck, I'm being religious, oh well. I do believe that intelligence does play some part, but not that huge. In the end, its all about will, and fate. Fate is the equivalence of luck, and luck is govern by the will of the Absolute Spirit (Hegel's way of saying God). But even when the supporting factors are there, and ready to help me, if I wasn't ready, if I wasn't well prepared, if I had not such strong will to prepare myself, then the chance would've been missed, and I wouldn't had succeed.

Training is nothing, Will is everything

Ra's Al Ghul - Batman Begins

Having endure such struggle, and then came out triumphant, I sure am very very happy shouldn't I? Well, there are some story about great warriors and winning their battles. Both the Pandawas and  Napoleon succeed in defeating their enemy, and seize the enemy's castle, but the story goes that they found that the castle is empty, as empty as their heart, the winning doesn't mean a thing. So, do I feel the same way? Yes and no. Yes, because I realized that after the euphoria of triumph has passed, things go back to normal in there - in the heart - which apparently is also what my friends had experienced before. But also no because I don't actually feel empty as they are, because I know as hell I'll be devastated and probably perform hara-kiri if I had failed the test. Well, in a nutshell, I'm content. I never was a constantly euphoric guy, but at least these days, I'm not swinging down to the bottom of the mood scale.

And something else that I want to point out is that heart, mood, or emotion is unreliable. You can't keep them up all the time, because in order to do so you shall feed them constantly, and if you do that, you are a drug addict - anyone who have known me for a long time will know that I consider human is basically a drug addict -. and this is also stated by Schopenhauer' theory about will (not the same will as I said earlier, but more like a lusty, consuming, egotistical will) that it always "wants", and it will never be satisfied. Sound like following your heart is very very bad and primitive right? But I do also know that there is no way that you can live your life if you keep your mood scale, or shall I called it Schopenhauer ego meter stays at the bottom.

So what about love? - From cardio to love? No, I'm not on alcohol, not on drugs either, I just feel like babble a little about it, after all, if I put the word "Happiness" at the title, it would be very relevant to discuss about love right? - Does love can give me that constant flying mood? I don't know. Theoretically  I should've said no, but I can't deny that in some way, I still do hope that it will. Well, probably not in constantly flying mood, but perhaps, if my mood meter is now oscillating from 40% - 80%, I hope, love - the right kind one which I hope I'll find - would bring me to around 30% - 100%, the bottom margin is loosened a bit to 30% because that is the amount of depression that I'll allow myself to be either caused by cardio, or by relationship.

Anyway, my new motorcycle, the white-pearl Yamaha Scorpio New Z has just arrived, WOHOOOOOO.... I probably call him Crixalis, since he is a white  big muscular scorpion, just like Crixalis the DOTA character. Well, this will hold my mood meter for some time, if he could help me getting a girl he could probably hold it for much longer. White motor bike  riders equals to white horsed prince right? Or no..I start to sound disgusting. Okay..On that bombshell..Good night..(Clarkson style).

Goenawan Mohamad

I've just made a dedicated page to post and share the writings of Goenawan Mohamad. Of course, all entry about his writings will still get posted here, and discussed (Even translated if I want to) here.

Why him?

Because he is the first Indonesian author that could impress me. He has deep critiques, ridiculously deep and large amount of knowledge in just about everything (philosophy, religion, anthropology, mythology, and all other -logy, you name it, other then science perhaps). But more importantly, He is the first author that could show me that bahasa Indonesia can also be written in a simple, but deep, symbolic, and thought provoking style, and he manage to do that with a daily language such as "grogi" (directly translated as stage fright) in a way that makes me dare not to jump into conclusion about what he means by "grogi".

I don't know whether his writing can be categorized as poetry, but it sure as hell provokes my emotion much more then other Indonesian popular poetry that emphasize on the mimics, intonations and - for crying out loud - tear shedding of the poet on the stage. I think a good poetry should be able to provoke our emotion even when we read it casually, not necessarily on the stage. So here it is.

*After attending yesterday's briefing at Harapan Kita Hospital with Cardio Head of Department and Head of Education. I realize that my time is short. That is why I'll try to do as much non-medical related stuffs as I want to before the business of cardio residency take over my life.